What the heck just happened?!


I had been gone for a long long time now since senior year started. I already posted about reaching my 4th year in college and you had known my fears back then, but, I was thankful that a lot of you cheered me up during that time. Afterwards, I posted a poem about my crush, then I left. I never posted a formal goodbye or notice last year. Please forgive me for not doing it.
Last year, everything was tougher. In my whole life, I never expected such traumatizing events will just appear on my journey. Sadly, it started on a little, careless decision.๐Ÿ˜”After that, things just went upside down. It was so hard to catch up with my subjects, I got worried like almost single day...most of all, I lost my will power. 
During those times, I was like a ghost floating in the air that tries to get through the day. My emotions just shut off although I was crying a lot of times. I was ignoring matters as if I'm not capable of thinking anymore. Because that time I don't want to think. I just want to get out of this misery.๐Ÿ˜ข
I realized that I was really weak those times. I just can't cling on to positivity because everything is just too horrible. It was hitting rock bottom. My friends and my family were there for me but my mistakes, the horrible people, my hard subjects were killing me. I remembered that there were times that I woke up in fear early in the morning, with my heart pumping so fast and I could not go back to sleep because I was hell worried of our thesis and deadlines. 
And the most painful thing that even happened was not being able to graduate on time, goodbye marching on the isle, toga, and getting my diploma on stage. After this, reality slapped me hard and all of my anxieties were crashing me. It was the moment that I questioned my future, my career after finishing thesis on summer. I wanted to become a doctor, but what I just went through in senior year made me question myself if I am even capable of becoming one. If I don't proceed to medicine, then what will I do afterwards? 
In the Philippines, there's a problem when you graduate on a degree like Biology. You may end up on office works, factories, lab assistant, and sort. And it's hard to save up money in this kind of work, so Biology grads usually take masterals or medicine to have a better job. 

And this was, what just happened to me. It's all behind me now. I'm moving on, or at least I'm trying.๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ’ช I failed to be strong on those days. But I'm here, wounded but wiser, stepping out and ready to fly again.

Please keep posted on my journey of moving on⇩⇩⇩⇩⇩⇩⇩
This is something that I want to publish in my blog. This is a series of life reflections and shoutouts from my journey of becoming a better version of myself. This type of post may have a different kinds of writing style, depending on my thoughts during that day. There a lot of life lessons I will share to you. Let's grow together!๐Ÿ’›

First photo from: https://writerlust.org/2015/10/29/ive-already-labeled-you-as-a-disappointment/

CONVERSATION

4 comments:

  1. I hope all the best to you! Good luck!
    You should know how brave you are to be able to admit the problems, admit you were weak and move on. A lot of people can't do that but you just did! Inspirational story and thanks for sharing it.

    xx,
    Jolie
    @ Joliecious.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Jolie! I have never thought of that, but I'm touched by your words :)
      Congratulations in advance on your upcoming Grad! ;D

      Delete
  2. Great and deep article !

    Wish you all the best :)

    Kenza from http://travelwithkenza.blogspot.fr/

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